Texting is Not a Good Form Of Flirtation

Texting is not something new, people- I've been doing it since sophomore year of high school. I can still remember that first time I "flirted" over text. I, in all my awkwardness, spent a day texting a guy from another lunch table over winter break- to this day I'm pretty sure he had no idea who I am- but whatevs. Flirting over text is cute when you're 15, before you can drive, invite a boy over, or put your hand under the other person's clothing.
However at 22, flirting over text message is not so cute or so easy. Hypothetical situation- you are out at a bar and your doing some softcore flirting- your witty and charming but not over the top- so it's not like there is real interest there or at least you're not sure. So you get home later that night and as you're getting ready to veg out and bam you get a text. Let's say it says something along the lines of "You should have come home with me." How are you supposed to take this? Is this a creepy- you should have come home with me? Like- Oh no, this guy is a stalker. Or a haha you should've come home with me- just kidding. Or does this guy really like me and want me to go home with him? There is no way to tell- so how do you respond when you can't tell what they mean?
And the second issue- how do you keep someone's interest over the phone? At a bar I can be clever, funny, show you some cleave, and if that doesn't work pour a drink on you. Through text I have to be able to write about 160 characters that is going to keep you glued to your phone when most likely your TV is on, there is a taco bell down the street, and you are browsing porn.
And the final and worse thing about flirting over text is after you've tried to figure out how to respond to the text message that you don't quite get the message of and you attempted to keep their attention but they've fallen asleep- they have textual evidence of this whole conversation...