When did I become that girl?

I've always been a little obsessive... slightly stalkerish... and probably creepy. I've had crushes that have lasted way longer than they should. Since I was probably 9 I've been kind of boy crazy. But I've never been the girl who wanted a relationship. The idea has just never appealed to me. And I'm not saying that it the sort of way like "oh I'm above relationships"(because I'm not). And it's not because no one wanted a relationship with me. It's true many offers have not come my way but when they did it didn't appeal to me. I've always enjoyed being able to do my own thing and not have to worry about anything or anyone else. I'm not sure I'd make a good girlfriend, I've always been self centered and more concerned with what I want to do with my friends than a guy.

Now suddenly I want a boyfriend (okay not just any boyfriend, there is one guy in particular but I kind of think it's reaching beyond that). I want to know someone is going to be there for me. I want the security. I like the idea of knowing that someone will want to spend time with me. I want someone to hold my hand. I'd like it if there was someone to say goodnight to. I'd like to have set plans and be comfortable with that. And it is scaring the hell out of me... this is not something that I'm used to wanting.

Maybe it's because I'm out of school and I don't have the whole "single co-ed" thing to fall back on. Maybe it's because my friends have all basically coupled up, gotten engaged, or gotten married (however I don't want to get married... that is still something I'm not sure I'll ever want to do). Maybe it's because at 23, I have never actually had a real functional relationship and I've finally matured to a level passed the age of 13 where having one seems appropriate.  Maybe it's because I've finally met a guy that I'd wouldn't mind being hurt by and trying to change for. Whatever the reason, I'm suddenly like every other girl whose looking for a relationship and it feels weird.